Monday, February 23, 2009

The Rules Of Mardi Gras: 7 Commandments For Parade Riders

Oh, I saw this in the new_orleans Livejournal community and had to share. These rules are perfect (those in the know are probably shaking their heads in agreement).

I have assembled these over the course of an intense and strenuous parade season. There needs to be an equivalent set for paradegoers -- beginning with "Thou shalt not judge a parade solely by how much stuff they throw" -- but I cannot do everything at once.

1. Thou shalt forsake thy cell phone except to briefly ascertain locations of family members/close friends thou wisheth to bead-bomb.

2. Thou shalt put away thy digital camera. Thou art putting on a show for us, not documenting it for thine own self, and if thou art so drunk that thou cannot recall thy ride, snapshots of random screaming faces art unlikely to jog thy memory.

3. Thou shalt not be so drunk less than halfway through the parade that thou lookest as if thou art ready to fall (or puke) on our heads. This seemest to be a particular problem this year.

4. If thou danglest a prime throw, thou may taunt the crowd with it for not more than three minutes, and then thou must throw it.

5. Thou shalt not encourage girls along St. Charles to show their tits. That shit belongeth in the French Quarter.

6. If thou art rude to any paradegoer who hast not been rude to thou first, thou shalt be put to death.

7. Thou must at least look as if thou art having fun. If thou art spending thousands of dollars on something that makest thou look as bored and pissed-off as some of thou hath looked this Carnival season, thou art a dumbass.

Thank you, pro bono publico, and Hail Rex!

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