Dear Fedex: Do Better.

Yeah, I'm bitter. Fedex lost a pricey purchase of mine two months ago and tried to blame it on the sender (really? well, they have the receipt from when they sent it to y'all...). I think the following is an excellent sort of retaliation. I might have to send my own package.

The sender says:

"Last week FedEx failed to deliver my ISTD submission from Australia to London. They had my package in their store all week and failed to notify me that it had not been sent! So, along with a letter of complaint, they will receive the box (which never got sent) covered with hand-drawn type expressing my anger. Typomania at its worst!"

Schaffas Your Schaffas

I don't know why I think these Schaffas are so cool. I literally just spent about 20 min. going through each and every one of them. A sample of the work below.

Schaffas?

"The International Fauna Dossier describes a schaffas (Marcum-Schaffidius) as a gentle and un-aspiring creature of great mystery. This exhibition will demonstrate the various and complex forms that the schaffas adopts."

Noisy Girl
She is call the “Noisy Girl” The dream of this girl is to have a boyfriend. For that reason every
time that she meets a guy she shouts him:
“DO YOU WANT TO KISS ME? WE WILL FALL IN LOVE AND YOU WILL BE MY BOYFRIEND?!!”Even if she is smiling, the guy is scared, run away from her. But she doesn’t lose her energy and follow them screaming:
“KISS MEE! KISS MEE! LOVE! IT´S A GIFT!"

Chandler
Hallo Chandler!
You have two new friend requests…
Confirm you are friends with ‘The Butcher ‘ Allow? Deny?
Confirm you are friends with ‘The Baker’ Allow? Deny?

Uncouth Cuthbert
Cuthbert is as uncouth as they come. Strange, clumsy and boorish in appearance. He is outlandishly lacking in polish and grace. He is awkwardly uncultivated in appearance, manners, and behaviour. He is the smelly elephant in the room that no one wants to talk to. Cuthbert don’t give a damn what you think.

Tammy Cleland
Tammy Cleland went to the hairdressing salon and said she wanted 'Something with Spark', but the Schaffas who cut her hair was a little deaf and thought she said 'National Park'. Tammy doesn't mind too much, except when Numbats crap in her fringe. Wander across her scalp at dusk and you might catch a glimpse of the elusive yellow-tailed black cockatoo.

Crackles McCrack-Crack
Crackles formed from some volcanic rock the day before yesterday. He can fly with rocket flames coming out of the bottom of his feet. If you catch him you can have one and a half wishes, but they have to be for someone else (eg - If you wish for two dogs for your neighbour, they will probably receive a dog and a cat). Be gentle with him or he will crumble into many small pieces. Crackles likes everything that no-one else likes. His favourite colour is grey.

How Punny

50 Best Pun Stores

Thanks to my gal Grahamsta M.

you shower me with words made of knives

Adele's video for "Cold Shoulder"
Girl's looking sassy.

Mix Tapes in the 21st Century

I love a good mix tape. I love 'em so much that I sometimes refer to my mix CDs as mix tapes (hello identity crisis). Well, here's a cool "solution" or variation on the age-old gift/"love letter"/cool dude friendship bracelet:

"...cassette tapes have gone the way of the dinosaurs, but home taping a compilation of songs is now easier than ever: with this USB Stick "Mix Tape" - it even comes with a faux cassette box."

Source

Matthew Palladino

What a great way to go about this.

"Matthew Palladino's paintings allude to influences by early Mission School artists; colorful, flat, almost folky. From there his work diverges. His subject matter is raw, sexual, and violent; inspired by current media events and the rough edges of society. His shockingly honest portraits of American life expose all-too-real events in his ongoing narrative that tie his current works together.

Matthew Palladino is 22 years old. He was born and raised in San Francisco. He enrolled then dropped out of CCA."

Source via Juxtapoz

I digress: I regress: I redress....

AHAHAHA!

Roodie Doodie!

They said this day would never come....

Nas+2Pac+Obama = a special lil' ditty
Nas+2Pac+Obama = a special lil' ditty
Nas+2Pac+Obama = a special lil' ditty

Nas+2Pac+Obama = a special lil' ditty

Hollins University!

The Hollins University English Department receives a $5 creative writing gift!

Toot says this alumna!!!

Poetreeeee

A lot of my friends read but have little knowledge/love/awareness when it comes to poetry. When asked what they should read, I often blink at them and talk with my hands. It's hard to pin-point what a person will like, and I am hesitant to promote the canon when there are DIY folk pumping their veins full of caffeine/tea/yoga/rockstarbathtubdanceparties to generate some intense and lovely work.

So, I recommend checking out some chapbooks. They're lil' and most come from small presses with awesome folk who know the lyrics to "Ms. Jackson," read Jezebel, and aren't ashamed to have a veggie barbecue complete with pink plastic flamingos and impromptu dances inspired by punctuation.

I like Finishing Line's chapbooks a lot (and nope: I don't know anyone who works there, do not have a book of my own to promote, etc.). Quite simply: I just like their stuff.

Shiny Lights and Eco-Art Time

You don't have to be a bleeding heart liberal to appreciate the creativity of the following project: Chandeliers made from coffee-stirrers. Yeah, it's kick-ass for the environment (recycle, reuse, reappropriate, etc.). Additionally, the pieces are stunning. I know art doesn't have to be aesthetically pleasing, but I can't be blamed for having an OOOH AAAH moment (akin to those lil' green dudes from Toy Story).

Yeah, Studio Verissimo wins for creating these.

Source via NotCot